Family Stress During the Holidays
There can be lots to look forward during the holiday season—good food, time with loved ones, and maybe even some time off from work. But for many of us, the holidays also bring an increase in stress and anxiety. Between making travel plans, incurring additional expenses, and expectations from family, this time of year can feel like a real pressure cooker.
The holidays also hold emotional significance. Memories, nostalgia, traditions, and time spent with family can be a wonderful thing. Many plan to bake cookies with family, trade presents, attend spiritual services together, share meals, and bond over all the special details of the season. However, for those with complicated or strained family relationships, the holidays can lead us to feeling a mix of dread, loneliness, resentment, frustration and/or anxiety.
Below is a list of common stressors that are present around the holidays and/or with family. You may relate to one or a few of them. If you are struggling in any of these areas, I want to validate you and remind you that you are not alone. As a therapist in Pasadena, I help clients explore these concerns and develop coping strategies so they can spend the holidays feeling more confident, empowered, and at ease.
See below for some ideas about how to navigate family stress during the holidays.
Common Stressors:
Travel, planning, accommodating schedules
Spending money: travel, gifts, etc
Challenging family dynamics, seeing family you have strained relationships with
Grief, loss of a loved one, and/or change in traditions after loss of a loved one
Hot topics: politics, religion, relationships, starting a family, life path, career, etc
Being in a space/a home where you have painful memories
Pressure to drink or eat certain food/drinks you aren’t comfortable with
Social anxiety or burnout—pressure to be social or visit with as many people as possible
Ways to Cope with Stressors:
Plan ahead and ask yourself:
How many days am I willing to spend with family?
Am I comfortable staying in the same house as family or can I make other arrangements?
Will I have access to a car if needed?
Am I more comfortable spending the holidays with chosen family?
Who can I ask to be my check-in buddy? (someone you can call for support if needed)
What traditions feel most important to me?
What new traditions can I create?
Check in with yourself in the moment:
What feelings are coming up right now?
How is my body feeling? What sensations am I noticing?
Do I need a break? Water? A good stretch? A moment alone?
Take space when needed
It’s okay to step away, step outside, excuse yourself from a conversation, go to the bathroom for a moment alone.
Listen to your body
Drinking plenty of water, getting sleep, moving your body, eating/drinking only what feels right for you, and taking deep breaths will help you feel more grounded and resilient in stressful times
Notice how you feel in your body (even if it’s subtle) in specific environments or around certain people, and take a mental note of it
Set boundaries
It’s okay to set limits on conversations, activities, or timeframes
Be prepared with language
“You know what, I haven’t decided yet”
“I’m not comfortable talking about this right now"
“Hm, I need to think about that”
“No, thank you”
Change the topic
Remember that it’s okay to change course when needed
If the other person won’t drop it, you’re not obligated to engage in the conversation
Ask questions
“Anyways, how are you?”
“Working on anything interesting lately?”
“What are you looking forward to in the coming year?”
“Last time we talked you told me about ______ . How’s that going?”
If this feels like too much to try all at once, that’s okay! Try choosing one or two things to start. And be gentle with yourself; setting boundaries and changing long-held patterns often takes time.
At the end of the day, it’s all about checking in to assess your needs and how you can best take care of yourself (before, during, and after a stressful event). You’ve got this.
Reach out
If you’re curious about therapy and looking to get started, reach out. Let’s talk about how therapy can help.
When you’re ready, schedule a free consult call. I’d love to talk with you about how I work and answer any questions you may have. If we’re not the right fit, I’m happy to offer you referrals to other therapists and resources so you can find the best therapist for your needs.
Other services offered:
As a therapist serving Pasadena, CA and Los Angeles, CA, I offer therapy services in person and online to address a variety of goals and issues. Some of the services I offer include anxiety therapy, depression therapy, counseling for couples, teen therapy, therapy for relationship issues, therapy for life transitions, self-esteem and empowerment, career-related stress and stress management, family issues, codependency, and more. To read more, visit my blog, home page, services page, rates & FAQ, press & reviews, or approach & about me page.