Can’t Stop the Rain
Recently I’ve been enjoying Matt Haig’s, The Comfort Book. It’s something I keep on my desk for when I need a bit of inspiration or (as the title implies)…comfort. One page that caught my eye was titled “You are Waterproof”. It reads:
“It is easier to learn to be soaked and happy than to learn to stop the rain.”
It’s a simple concept, but it really puts things in perspective when the external world feels relentless. We spend so much time in life trying to avoid pain. We do our best to outsmart anxiety, fear, worry, sadness, anger, confusion, and any number of unpleasant experiences. But as it turns out, there is no easy fix for the human condition. Inevitably, we will face hard things. What if we stopped fighting this truth and surrendered to it instead?
Hear me out
I do not mean that we should lay down and allow ourselves to endure needless pain and emotional turmoil. It is natural and healthy to develop coping strategies, to avoid unnecessary roadblocks, and to garner support from caring people in our lives.
I’m also not a proponent of toxic positivity—forcing oneself to feel happy when we are not. Feelings are important messengers which should be honored and felt. We are allowed to feel disappointed, sad, and frustrated. Honor that. Where we run into problems is when we resist the feelings altogether.
It is the resistance to hard feelings that actually cause us more pain.
Even with plenty of careful planning, life will throw us curveballs. Like bad weather, sometimes anxiety will show up unannounced. Our tendency to wish away the metaphorical “rain” speaks to an anxiety so many of us face. It is the fear that we cannot handle an imaged future event or situation. So we try to avoid it and do our best to eliminate any chance of encountering it; we are anxiously trying to avoid anxiety. Paradoxically, when we accept the ups and downs of life rather than resist them, we find it elevates anxiety. Many things in life are out of our hands. What is in our control is our relationship to hardship and our response to it.
Another thing I love about this quote is that it speaks to resilience. It reminds us that being “soaked and happy” is an option—although its not pleasant to get caught in a downpour, we are “waterproof”.
As people, we are capable of experiencing incredibly hard things and coming out the other side. We struggle in so many big and small ways, and yet we keep going. We find our way through. That’s one of the most remarkable things about being human and, as a therapist, it’s something I continuously revere in my clients. We are so resilient.
If we only felt joy when the weather was perfect, we would miss out on so much of life. Not to mention, we would miss an opportunity to experience how capable we are. Rather than wait for the external world to meet our needs before we feel okay, we can offer ourselves another option, knowing we can handle life’s difficulties.
As a Pasadena therapist who focuses on anxiety, life transitions, and relationship issues I often help clients process life’s disappointments and “bad weather”. Together we explore feelings that arise and how to hold them. Many clients begin to appreciate how resilient they truly are. Therapy can be a space to pause, process life experiences, let the hard feelings be known, and feel supported as you move through them.
Reach out
You don’t have to go it alone.
If you’re feeling stuck and unsure of how to move forward, reach out and let’s talk about how therapy can help.
When you’re ready, schedule a free consult call. I’d love to talk with you about how I work and answer any questions you may have. If we’re not the right fit, I’m happy to offer you referrals to other therapists in the area so you can find the best therapist for your needs.
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As a therapist serving Pasadena, CA and Los Angeles, CA, I offer therapy services in person and online to address a variety of goals and issues. Some of the services I offer include anxiety therapy, depression therapy, counseling for couples, teen therapy, therapy for relationship issues, therapy for life transitions, self-esteem and empowerment, career-related stress and stress management, family issues, codependency, and more. To read more, visit my blog, home page, services page, rates & FAQ, press & reviews, or approach & about me page.