What is Quarterlife?
Understanding this Challenging and Transitional Stage of Life
Over the past twenty years or so, the term “quarterlife” has entered our social lexicon as a way to describe early adulthood, typically one’s 20’s, and has become synonymous with themes of transformation, choice, and independence. Shows like Friends, New Girl, Broad City, and Girls are great examples of the trials and stumbling blocks that one can expect during this phase of life. It is often defined by career choices, relationship building, self-discovery, exploration, separation from one’s nuclear family, and generally learning how to “adult”.
What is Quarterlife?
Satya Doyle Byock, trauma-informed psychotherapist and author of “Quarterlife, The Search for Self in Early Adulthood” defines Quarterlife as the years following one’s adolescence, roughly between ages sixteen and thirty-six (though I tend to associate Quarterlife with one’s 20’s and 30’s). She explains it is a phase of life which “demands the gathering of experiences—messy, embodied, uncharted experiences” in order for one to achieve psychological development and maturity.
During quarterlife, young adults typically begin carving their own path and building a life—or at least laying down a foundation. This can look like attending college, moving to a new city, landing a first job, building social circles, exploring one’s identity, or falling in love.
With so much uncertainty and endless choices to make, it can be compared to standing at the base of a mountain looking at the daunting, winding path ahead. There is often a mixture of anticipation, dread, doubt, excitement, and varying states of readiness.
How Does Quarterlife Feel?
Quarterlife is sometimes accompanied by intense feeling—excitement, impatience, confusion, stuck-ness, worry, doubt, anxiety, joy, optimism, indecision, loneliness, jealousy, hopelessness, and despair.
The truth is, Quarterlife is different for everyone. Perhaps that is what makes this phase of life feel so uncertain—there is no one fail-proof roadmap. While some are settling down, getting married and raising kids others are just beginning to discover new careers or relationships. Ultimately, young adults are tasked with putting one foot in front of the other, charting their course as they go. Below are some questions often posed during Quarterlife:
Who am I and how do I see myself?
How would I like to present myself in the world?
What kinds of people am I drawn to, and who do I want to spend time with?
Which relationships am I investing my time in?
What kind of work do I enjoy? What do I want to spend my time doing?
What kind of lifestyle am I looking for?
Where do I see myself living?
Do I want a romantic partner? If so, what am I looking for in a partner?
What kinds of experiences do I want to have in life?
What is a Quarterlife Crisis?
While Quarterlife can be a very enlivening and liberating time, it can also feel lonely, confusing, exhausting, and disorienting. When these feelings start to overwhelm us, we can find ourselves in what has been coined a “Quarterlife Crisis”.
You have likely heard about or witnessed a midlife crisis in action—an adult reaches middle age and finally stops to question if they’ve living the life they want. After years of working, building, and planning, some begin to realize they haven’t been truly living.
The Quarterlife crisis is unique to early adulthood in that it speaks to the often brutal early encounters with the “real world”. After receiving what feels like a constant stream of guidance, preparation, and advice in early childhood and adolescence, young adults are suddenly left to figure the rest out on their own.
Perhaps younger generations, witnessing their parents’ dissatisfaction with life, have progressively placed increased pressure on themselves to “get it right” earlier in life. Undoubtedly, younger generations—that is currently Millennials and Gen Z’ers—are afforded many social and systemic privileges which their parents and grandparents were not. And with the benefit of expanded choice and allowances, it seems young adults of today are faced with growing anxiety and more questions then answers; What do we do with our lives? How do we choose which path to take? How do we make the most of it?
A Battle of Head vs Heart
Doyle Byock explains that Quarterlife often begins with the pursuit of stability or meaning. Some are determined to establish themselves financially, going for degrees catered to lucrative careers—sometimes at the urging of their parents. Others focus first on their passions, chasing dreams regardless of the stability it may offer them. At some point many quarterlifers, begin to stop and ask:
Is this what I really want? Is this all there is?
They begin to seek the stability or meaning which they feel their life is lacking by pursuing a life that feels both fulfilling and sustainable.
Tasks of Quarterlife
Doyle Byock identified quarterlife’s 4 pillars of growth. She notes these do not happen in a specific order. Rather, we often need to return to each pillar over and over again, like weaving a tapestry until we’ve processed each part.
Separate: “The instinct to separate leads a person out into the world and away from their family and perhaps from their church, community, friend group, or even current intimate partner in pursuit of greater self-development or self-reliance.”
Listen: Learning to tune into and truly listen to oneself, following one’s own inner direction and intuition.
Build: Cultivating the motivation, commitment, and effort needed to create a uniquely aligned life.
Integrate: The result of separation, listening, and building which results in both stability and meaning. There is a sense that many parts of one’s life are coming together and beginning to feel whole.
Therapy for Life Transitions and Quarterlife
As a therapist in Pasadena, CA I work with adolescents and young adults who are navigating challenging, transitional times in their lives. I support quarterlifers as they make sense of their early life experiences, connect more deeply to themselves, reflect on needs and desires, and take steps towards the life they truly want.
Life can feel overwhelming, especially during early adulthood when so many life transitions are taking place. Your path is uniquely yours, but that doesn’t mean you need to go it alone.
Reach out to learn more about how therapy can help you navigate Quarterlife.
*Just for fun, check out my playlist dedicated to Quarterlife
Reach out
If you’re curious about therapy and looking to get started, reach out. Let’s talk about how therapy can help.
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As a therapist serving Pasadena, CA and Los Angeles, CA, I offer therapy services in person and online to address a variety of goals and issues. Some of the services I offer include anxiety therapy, depression therapy, counseling for couples, teen therapy, therapy for relationship issues, therapy for life transitions, self-esteem and empowerment, career-related stress and stress management, family issues, codependency, and more. To read more, visit my blog, home page, services page, rates & FAQ, press & reviews, or approach & about me page.