Identifying Your Feelings
Have you ever experienced a time when you noticed emotions bubbling up in you, but you couldn’t quite put words to what you were feeling? Saying you were simply sad, angry, or happy didn’t feel like an accurate reflection. I’ve experienced this myself, and as a therapist, I’ve sat with clients as they also struggled to put their feelings into words. The human experience is so complex and nuanced—there are just so many moods and emotions we’ll experience over our lifetimes, all of which deserve our attention and curiosity.
One way I help clients identify what they are feeling is with a feelings wheel. Before you write this off as elementary, hear me out. A feeling wheel can be a surprisingly effective way to recognize the complexity of our feelings and start to make sense of things when we’re feeling stuck.
What is a feeling wheel?
A feelings wheel is a visual tool that helps you to identify emotional states at various levels of nuance. There are many kinds of feelings wheels, but most include at least the primary emotions. These are experienced universally across cultures, identities, and backgrounds:
happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, and surprise.
Dr. Gloria Wilcox, a psychotherapist who created The Feeling Wheel, found that her clients had difficulty naming the emotions they were experiencing, and were helped by having a visual representation of their inner experiences. Her model included three levels of emotional experiences—primary, secondary, and tertiary, which correlate to the traditional color wheel. By joining color with emotional experience in a visual way, Dr. Wilcox offered a pathway to tap into one’s inner experiences.
There’s a saying many therapists know, “You have to feel it to heal it”. When we identify our feelings, we acknowledge their existence. When we recognize our feelings, we can actually feel and process them. This is where many of us tend to get stuck, but it is a necessary part of healing:
slowing down enough to get curious about our emotional state
naming the emotion
sitting with the emotion and allowing ourselves to feel it
noticing what happens next—what other emotions begin to surface?, what is happening in your body?, what wants to happen next?
What are the benefits of using a Feeling Wheel?
Clarity and greater emotional awareness— scanning the words on the wheel helps us to zero in on what we are feeling and offers a way to get even more specific. In a way, it works like a menu reminding us of language that really gets to the heart of our current feeling.
For example: “I’m noticing a lot of fear coming up for me. I’m feeling afraid right now….but really it’s more of an anxious fear I’m feeling. In fact, beyond anxious I feel overwhelmed.”
Or: “I’m so embarrassed by what happened at work today. At first I was mad, but the more I think about it I guess I’m feeling hurt by my coworker’s comments. And really at the heart of it…I’m sad.”
Validation— there is often an “aha” moment when you identify a specific feeling. Seeing it on the wheel might help you feel less alone in your feeling, knowing others have felt this too. It may provide you with validation and even serve as a reminder that it is okay for you to feel this feeling.
Pattern recognition— by using a feelings wheel, you may start to recognize emotional patterns and triggers in your relationships and day-to-day life. Take note of the emotions you identify, and ask yourself the below questions:
Which feelings are easiest to pinpoint?
Which ones feel most foreign to you?
Which ones are hard to admit you are feeling?
What messaging did you receive about these emotions as kids?
How did your parents/caregivers/siblings/friends/teachers react to you
when we felt that emotion?
Empathy and connection— a feelings wheel can help us know ourselves on a deeper level and, in turn, understand others too. It can even be a great tool for couples, helping them to meet their partner with compassion and empathy.
Communication— understanding the subtle differences between various emotional states can help you to clearly communicate how you are feeling to others. It also gives you the language to help your partner or loved ones identify how they are feeling, ultimately building greater connection, intimacy, trust, and empathy.
Take a look below and see what resonates with you in this moment:
Feelings Wheel from Calm.com
Who is this for?
In short…everyone! But here are a few populations who might find it most helpful
Kids and teens (learn more about teen therapy in Pasadena here)
Couples struggling to understand one another (learn more about couples therapy in Pasadena here)
anyone who has difficulty identifying and/or communicating their emotions
anyone who struggles with emotional regulation
adults who were invalidated as kids
adults who learned it is emotionally, socially, and/or physically unsafe to feel/express emotions
anyone looking to understand their emotional state on a deeper level
A few more feeling wheels to check out:
For kids, from Anchor Light Therapy Collective
For couples from the Gottman Institute
How therapy can help
As a Pasadena therapist, I help clients who are facing anxiety, depression, relationship issues, life transitions, and many other life challenges, I often help clients connect with and put language to their inner experiences. At times, I’ve utilized a feeling wheel in session to help them really pinpoint what they are feeling, to better understand themselves and/or their partner, and to provide language so they can communicate with more clarity and confidence.
Therapy can be a safe, containing space to slow down, get curious about your inner world, and begin to process your thoughts and emotions. If you’re looking for some extra support and want to get started reach out below.
Reach out
If you’re curious about therapy and looking to get started, reach out. Let’s talk about how therapy can help.
When you’re ready, schedule a free consult call. I’d love to talk with you about how I work and answer any questions you may have. If we’re not the right fit, I’m happy to offer you referrals to other therapists in the area so you can find the best therapist for your needs.
Other services offered:
As a therapist serving Pasadena, CA and Los Angeles, CA, I offer therapy services in person and online to address a variety of goals and issues. Some of the services I offer include anxiety therapy, depression therapy, counseling for couples, teen therapy, therapy for relationship issues, therapy for life transitions, self-esteem and empowerment, career-related stress and stress management, family issues, codependency, and more. To read more, visit my blog, home page, services page, rates & FAQ, press & reviews, or approach & about me page.