The Guest House
I was recently reminded of a poem I’d heard in grad school which I think illustrates the layered emotional experience of being human. “The Guest House” was written by 13th century mystic and poet, Rumi, who seemed to understood the tendency in us, as people, to fear or avoid our multitude of emotions.
He wrote about being human as a metaphorical guest house and compared emotions to unexpected visitors who show up as messengers or guides for us. Read the full poem below:
The Guest House
“This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.”-From The Illuminated Rumi
What I love about this poem is that it reminds us to meet our emotions with the same generosity and openness that we would greet a guest in our home. And further, to appreciate the message that each feeling has for us, even when they are painful, unpleasant, and feel like bad company. What if we could invite them in, sit with them, and listen to what they have to share with us? What might it be like to offer each emotional experience the same level of attention and curiosity?
What if we viewed these feelings states as important messengers who are
paying us a visit because they have meaning?
Of course it’s tempting to pull the blinds and hide inside when say, sadness, anger, or fear come knocking. It is completely understandable to want to avoid feelings that we perceive as difficult or (at their worst) threatening to us. The idea that feelings are like visitors helps us rethink our relationship to feelings in a few ways:
Feelings are temporary
a visitor is not a roommate. A visitor stops by, sometimes for just a few minutes, other times for a few days, but the idea is that they are only staying temporarily. Sometimes we avoid feelings because we worry they will never leave us. But surprisingly, when you feel your feelings, they actually have a chance to move through you and begin to dissipate. You hear their message, sit with it, and your houseguest eventually moves along.
Our feelings have something to offer us
even when we aren’t in the mood for company, our guests tend to leave us with something—a hostess gift, a story, a shared memory, a laugh, a cry, or an interesting conversation. Similarly, feeling our feelings and being curious about them can be transformative. They may leave us with a sense of relief, release, clarity, validation, and/or deeper understanding of ourselves.
You can’t ghost a feeling
Unlike a friend or an ex, you can’t ignore a feeling when it comes knocking and expect it to take the hint and go away quietly. Unlike our relationships with people, the relationship we have with our feelings can’t be ignored because they are a part of us. We might be successful at keeping anger or sadness at bay for a long time—and for understandable reasons. But the (hard) truth is, ignoring our feelings does not make them go away; it makes them find other (often more painful) ways to show up in our life.
Therapy is a great way to start greeting the various feelings that show up for you. Having the support of a therapist can help you identify feelings, stay curious about them, and allow yourself to feel them within a contained and compassionate space. As a therapist in Pasadena, I sit with clients as they bravely greet their feelings and begin to find relief, healing, and hope.
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As a therapist serving Pasadena, CA and Los Angeles, CA, I offer therapy services in person and online to address a variety of goals and issues. Some of the services I offer include anxiety therapy, depression therapy, counseling for couples, teen therapy, therapy for relationship issues, therapy for life transitions, self-esteem and empowerment, career-related stress and stress management, family issues, codependency, and more. To read more, visit my blog, home page, services page, rates & FAQ, press & reviews, or approach & about me page.